Sick or hilarious? You decide ...
My friend Alex invited me round to his place for dinner last night, at which Graham, one of the other guests, told us the following story.
Back in the days before the EU got rid of all the borders between member countries, Graham was working in customs at Hull, where ferries would arrive from the European continent. On one occasion, they sent back a German man having inspected his luggage and found, shall we say, some rather disturbing material inside. (Any of you who ever saw the Channel 4 programme Eurotrash ... this is infinitely worse. In fact, the more sensitive, especially animal-lovers, may want to skip this post altogether. Don't say I didn't warn you!)
His suitcase contained, amongst other things, explicit photographs of him having sex. Not just any sex either: we're talking sex with ducks. (No, that's not the end of it.) What was even worse was what he actually did to them - presumably he found the passage through which they laid eggs insufficiently stimulating, because he would place their necks in some sort of guillotine-like contraption and, when on the point of orgasm, would close the trap, thus cutting off their heads and causing their muscles to contract.
(A pause while you recover your composture.)
I was the only vegetarian at the table. Would you care to guess what the other three were eating?
Back in the days before the EU got rid of all the borders between member countries, Graham was working in customs at Hull, where ferries would arrive from the European continent. On one occasion, they sent back a German man having inspected his luggage and found, shall we say, some rather disturbing material inside. (Any of you who ever saw the Channel 4 programme Eurotrash ... this is infinitely worse. In fact, the more sensitive, especially animal-lovers, may want to skip this post altogether. Don't say I didn't warn you!)
His suitcase contained, amongst other things, explicit photographs of him having sex. Not just any sex either: we're talking sex with ducks. (No, that's not the end of it.) What was even worse was what he actually did to them - presumably he found the passage through which they laid eggs insufficiently stimulating, because he would place their necks in some sort of guillotine-like contraption and, when on the point of orgasm, would close the trap, thus cutting off their heads and causing their muscles to contract.
(A pause while you recover your composture.)
I was the only vegetarian at the table. Would you care to guess what the other three were eating?
posted by Anthony at
02:01
2 Comments:
That's pretty wacky. Makes you wonder how someone could end up with a fetish like that. Anyway, I feel sorry for the host.
Invite some friends over, make something nice, and then have one of the guests tell some bizarre storry...
Karma dictates that next time it will be something involving a large eggplant and a lonely German.
By
Matthew, at 21/8/05 12:16
Matthew: actually, Graham had done the vast majority of the cooking and we were all in tears of laughter, Alex included.
Stephen: the offender was apparently put on the next ferry back to Germany ("no bestiality please, we're British!") and I imagine the story has been doing the rounds at dinner parties every since ...
By
Anthony, at 23/8/05 01:28
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