Christian malappropisms

As a child, I'd hope I was not alone in misunderstanding parts of the liturgy when attending church. The possible resurrection of the Mass in Latin has reminded me of these, though it wouldn't surprise me if children hearing the texts in a language other than their own produced some fresh misconceptions.

In my case, I somehow got the impression the Nicene Creed was called the Nicotine Creed. Slightly more worrying was my conviction the Te Deum contained the line "Thou didst not abort the Virgin's womb", which I thought was pretty obvious. I mean, having gone to all that trouble with the Immaculate Conception, it wasn't very likely God would have a change of heart ...