Thoughts on parenthood

Not the first thing you'd expect to cross a gay man's mind, perhaps, but a matter close to my heart.

Long before I accepted that the whole fancying other boys thing was more than a phase, I knew I wanted kids, and all these years later I've come to realise that I'd still put that above having a man in my life. Don't get me wrong: I certainly wouldn't complain if some gorgeous guy were just waiting to sweep me off my feet, but given a choice between him and a child, I'd go for the child every time.

To some extent, it's a means of proving myself. I'm a firm believer in personal challenges along these lines, pushing myself to do something I know I can manage - like spending two months looking after my grandmother after her stroke or dropping French to concentrate on German when I was a student - while accepting that it's not going to be easy. That'd certainly be the case with bringing up a child, and frankly I think it'd be the making of me.

So much for my aspirations. When it comes down to it, if I want to be a father it's because I love children and have frequently been told I'd make a great parent. I don't see why my sexuality (i.e. never being in a relationship with a woman with whom I could conceive a child) should be any bar to this, and if I can give a child a loving home, we'd both gain from it. Yes, I mean to adopt or foster: there's no shortage of unwanted children around the world today, so it'd make better sense to offer one of these a home than selfishly bringing one of my own into being.

You may ask me why I don't get a dog. Fair enough, I adore dogs, but living on my own, it would not be fair on the poor animal, being left indoors all day while I go to work - the sight of a dog tied up outside a shop is enough to make me feel sorry for it. Even the most intelligent of dogs remain dependent on their master all their lives, whereas a child learns to take care of itself. No contest.

That, at least, is the optimistic side of the equation. On the other side of the coin, a couple of concerns prey on me: firstly, how much support I'd get from my family. I broached the subject with my mother on a rare visit home last year (discussions of this sort have to be face to face, in my book) and got a disappointingly non-commital response - but to be fair, big news like this takes time to digest; she took a while to come to terms with my sexuality, so I can't expect her to be immediately keen on my being a father. Then there's the matter of my age: I've hitherto been known among my friends for not being bothered by this, but would still rather a smaller age gap between me and my child. I'm coming up to 31, which wouldn't be an enormous difference, but unless I sort out these issues there's a risk this could remain a pipe dream ...

So yes, I do have concerns, but they're not sufficient to shake my good feelings on the matter. And as I say, if there's a guy out there who fancies joining the fun, I'm unlikely to say no. Anyone interested?